[Monday, October 18, 2004]

(,") fEeLiNgS oF gRaTiTuDe (",)

I just remembered that my parents made me cry just a few days ago..cry of happiness and feeling of being so lucky, that is..i really can't understand why is it that when it comes to my parents, my heart becomes so soft that one touch of their soothing voices can make it bleed..then after a split second, the feeling will radiate into my eyes and tears will involuntarily fall no matter how hard I try to hold them back..yes, i admit that I'm really quite a crybaby and I easily weep when I'm touched, hurt, or even angry..but usually, I can contain my tears and control my feelings..especially when it is not proper or when I'm ashamed to show them out..but when it comes to my parents, my controlling attempts are all futile..it's like they have complete access to my heart, my feelings, my emotions, and my reactions..

Recently, my mom and I has been spending more time together since I'm on vacation..and usually, we tend to talk about my dad and my siblings, about how things went at school, about how we overcome the problems and trials that pass by our life, and about her childhood..during the course of the conversation, there came a point when she narrated all the difficult times she experienced when she was my age and all the hardships she went through just to finish her studies..and me? I listened closely and all of a sudden I started crying..because it pains me so much to listen to what my mother went through..I felt that if I could just turn back time and return my mom to her teenage life, I would sacrifice everything I have now for her to have it..

A few weeks ago, whenever I find out that we are experiencing problems within the family, I get depressed..especially when I think that the bulk of the burden was being carried mostly by my parents..i hate it when they suffer..they, of all people, don't deserve it..they're the best parents in the world..nevertheless, i can't help but admire the way they handle the problems..they get sad once a while, but they remain strong..especially with God's help..whenever hardships arise, my parents prefer to keep it themselves..Why? because they don't want us sad..they don't want us hurt..and they don't want us feeling hopeless..because they know, that with God's gracious helping hand, there is still hope..

While my mother was telling me how we clung on to God and how we overcame those problems, I tried sa hard to contain my tears and smile..but still, I failed..tears started trickling down my face while I silently wept..my mom looked away and as I looked at her, I saw a tear crawl down her cheeks while she smiled sweetly and hugged me..I hate it when my parents cry, the feeling is indescribable..i feel that i want to shelter them and shield them from all the pain in the world so as they would experience nothing but happiness..

I know we all feel this way about our parents..bottomline line is, I just want everyone to know that I'm so blessed to have my parents..we all are..they are the greatest gift God has ever given to us..they are the living proof of His undying and unconditional love for all of us..

Now I know the answer to my query at the start of this post about why my parents can easily make me cry..It's because they, along with God, occupy the biggest and deepest part of my heart..It's because they're a part of me and I'm a part of them..And it's because I love them so much..

~*O*~

(,") mAx (",) shed her cocoon at 10:14:00 PM
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