i really don't know why but as i was reading the passage, i felt the pain of the main character--Pilar.. she was right, if she could just take away her heart and toss it to the cold waters of the river then it would be turned into stone like everything else that falls into that river and so she would feel nothing else but numbness.. like stone feels nothing.. that was how painful she felt..

i myself had already been hurt.. i had already felt what's it like when your heart is breaking into pieces.. and as i look back on those moments, i think i would have said and done what Pilar had said and done.. i believe that almost everyone of us, if not all, had already experienced the pain i'm talking about.. and admit it or not, during those times, we thought we'd rather lose heart and turn it to stone than endure the seemingly endless pain that pierces it..

and afterwards, hoping that we could finally forget..

presently, i have a friend(s) who is hurting though he/she is trying very hard not to show it.. but of course, he/she can't hide it from me.. i hate it when he/she feels pain.. it pains me as well.. "lam mo dear, kung kya ko lang ding kunin ang puso mo at ihulog na lang sa River Piedra para hindi mo na maramdaman yan, ginawa ko na.. but i know you wouldn't want me to do it even if i can.. coz i know you wouldn't want to lose your heart.. would you? i just don't want you to feel that pain anymore.. coz you, more than anyone else, don't deserve it.."

nursing po ang course ko.. and eventually, i would take care of patients until they recover.. sana pala pwede kong iapply ang pagiging nursing student ko sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay.. i just wish i could detach my friend(s)' heart and nurse its wounds until they heal.. until he/she could no longer feel any pain.. i wish i could, but i couldn't.. no one else can help him/her but his/her self.. all i can do is be there for him/her whenever he/she needs me and whenever i possibly can..

~~~~~~

haaay.. and sad naman yata ng sinulat ko sa taas.. anyway, sana lang talaga matapos na yang sakit na nararamdaman mo.. i know that it will eventually subside.. you'll get over it.. everyone does..

waaaah!!! may pasok na ulit sa tuesday.. tapos na ang sembreak.. nakakalungkot.. hello toxicity na naman ang drama ko nito.. pero somehow masaya rin kasi kita kita na ulit ang mga classmates at ang tropa..

and speaking of tropa.. nagovernight kami kina joy nung friday ng gabi.. ang saya saya! kwentuhan, tawanan, kainan, at iyakan galore! ang sarap talaga dun sa kubo nina joy.. para talaga kaming may sariling bahay.. naglaro pa nga kami na kunwari isang pamilya raw kami na nakatira dun sa bahay kubo na yun.. si sehl ang tatay, si eds ang nanay, si joy ang panganay (asawa niya si dave), ako, si gell, si lors, at si giselle ang iba pang mga anak, at si irvin ang tagasingil ng upa ng bahay namin.. haha.. parang mga bata no? bahay bahayan.. imagine, second year college na kami niyan..hehe..nakakatawa.. minsan talaga ang sarap balikan ng pagkabata..(",)

hindi nga kami natulog magdamag eh.. as in nagkukwehtuhan at nagtatawanan at nagkakainan kami sa kalagitanaan ng gabi.. tas nung mapansin naming medyo nagliliwanag na, bumangon kami at kumain ng lala at blue bay tuna for breakfast na uwi kuno ni tatay russell! hehe.. at ironically, nung mga 6am na, saka kami naghigaan at natulog.. kung kelan umaga na! mga bandang 8am kami gumising, kumain ng tunay na breakfast sa dining area nina joy, at nag-uwian na rin after.. ang saya saya talaga nung experience na yun.. sana maulit yung ganon.. (",)

buti ng at pinayagan me.. first time! dati kasi, hindi talaga me pinapayagang mag-overnight sa house ng friends ko.. medyo overprotective kasi ang parents ko before.. pero buti na lang talaga at pinayagan na 'ko nun kundi i missed half of my life kung nagkataon! sarap maging 18! hehe! (",)